Hey people, its been sometime since i actually posted a poem for you all to read! Things haven’t been going well, so yea… You know… Life doesn’t go your way all the time, but you’ve got to learn to live with that. If you’ve been reading my previous posts, you’ll probably know whats happening… =) Some people disappointed me on the way… But! Those who are true to me stood by me and brought me through all the difficulties. Thank my 2 bros… You know who you are. My smiley friend who never fails to make me smile. And thank God for being with me! So, here goes a poem!

†Whiters™† signing off from this blog. Alive, happy and overjoyed again! =) God bless to you!

People who know me would probably know my stand towards having a girlfriend - I won’t have one unless i intend to commit wholly to her, to love her and make her my wife. Ever since primary school, I’ve only loved one girl. Even till today. I once made a pact with her that when i finish army, i’d try my luck to date her again. When both of us are more matured to handle our feelings well.

Partially you could say that i didn’t want a commitment to such a relationship so fast. You could also say that there’s never really been a girl who’s been really close like a real friend to me. I mean, 4 years in Catholic High really stumped this emotional growth of mine. I respect girls too much to want to risk being a boyfriend, because i don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ll probably only agree to such a relationship if the girl is already my close friend to start off with. That’s probably when there is understanding and commitment.

I know of people who change girlfriends like as though they are changing clothes. To me, such an attitude is an absolute abomination. Don’t they realise that everytime a relationship has to come to an end, someone’s soul will be ripped apart? Lets not talk about couple relationships. Even as friends, it’ll hurt a lot.

For someone like me, with such a fragile inner self, i admit that i never really dared to commit my whole self to a relationship. Some would say, "Once bitten, twice shy". But for me, i’ve been bitten so many times. Till i lock up this part of my soul deep in my heart. Don’t look at close guy / close girl friends with tinted glasses on. More often than not, such relationships are equally as great if not greater than couple relationships. As long as the love that is in between is not corrupted.

When someone accidentally stumbled upon the locked-away part of me, the emotional part of me i’d say, i almost didn’t know what to do. It was like as though 4 years of strong emotions just rushed back into me. That person happened to hold the key to my heart. It just made me feel so strongly once again. I couldn’t handle the emotions for a moment, and i just broke down. I just wished that i could revert to the form where i only bothered about playing computer games and what i normally do. But i couldn’t. The person who unlocked this part of me has another person. Painful? Ask yourself and put yourself in my shoes. I don’t know how this friendship / relationship will go on. But i know that it hurts. But if it is possible, i will commit to this person as a really great brother.

Now, i don’t really know how to settle things too. My door of my heart is left wide open. Open to the cruel winds of life, scratching the inside again and again. Ouch. I only hope that the girl for me will come soon. Considering my expectations, i’m not optimistic about finding her soon. For my looks, i don’t think anyone is really interested. By wealth, i’m not a rich prince. I’m just not a perfect person, neither am i anywhere close. When will she come? Will it be the girl that i loved for so long? Will it be another? How long will it take? Delay makes the heart sick. Don’t make my heart close up again. Don’t let the depths of my soul be scarred again, so cautious that it shuts out. Someone just keep it open.

My friend told me that emotion is 1/3 of the human soul. I hid 1/2 of my emotions for so long. Am i going to have to hide it back and bury it right after someone dug it out by accident? That person stumbled upon it. Why? Stumble upon it and throw it to one side. Thanks ok. I’m not blaming anyone. But thats just the case.

All these don’t matter for now. This lock will soon be put up again. As time passes.

†Whiters™† signing off from this blog. Hoping for the best. But expecting the least. Always praying. Always loving. Always walking with his greatest friend, Jesus. To all who reads this, don’t give up loving. Because someone else loves you too. More than anyone can. Thats Jesus. God bless! =)

If anyone is concerned enough. Let him / her ask me directly. Don’t leave doubts hanging.

†Whiters™† signing off from this blog to play DotA!

Today someone asked me whether i was infatuated with my supposed kor or not. -.- NO I’M NOT! I’m not homo ok…

Thus i decided to write a post to differentiate between loving someone and liking someone.

Liking someone often has to do with a good first impression. It is about being attracted to something about someone which often links it to good looks, good personality, fun loving or even because of something that the person can do. Infatuations often fall into this category of "Likes".

Loving someone is a completely different issue.

Love is about being self sacrificing. It is about being other people centered, God centered, everything but yourself. When you love someone, you do not think about your own welfare. All you want to do is to do what’s best for the person that you love. Love is enduring. It bears all humiliation and pain. Love hurts, because it is a sacrifice. Love lasts. Love is not self-seeking. Love is not about liking something about someone, its about embracing the person wholly no matter how the person is like. It is about forgiving the person no matter what the person has done. Love is about risking your relationship with the person to tell the person something that he has done wrong that he has to change. Love does not lie. Love is truthful. Love is a joy.

Love is made up so many things, all those little things that adds up together. Love is about those short moments when you look at one another and understand. Love is everything.

For all my friends out there, if you think you have loved, why not ask yourself whether you have done all those things that i’ve written on the above… If you haven’t, are you going to work harder to be a more loving person?

It is better for me to die loving than not to have loved at all. How true this is…

†Whiters™† signing off from this blog. Praying that everyone who reads this will understand. Understand the true meaning of love. And also that his kor will get why he said what he said. God bless everyone who is here and have a great day.

Live to Love!

Maybe many of you do not know me as an emotional person… But something happened recently that reactivated the emotional part of me. The part who feels strongly for people. The part who loves and yearns for love. The part that was locked away for so long. Until someone seemingly unlocked it. Yet this person doesn’t get the extent of which he impacted me. Love is painful. But it is beautiful. I’ve never felt so much pain before, but i would rather love and be hurt than not to love at all.

To my brothers and Kor. Especially kor.

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Now I Understand the Meaning of True Love

Yesterday I cried my heart out in silence and in pain,

I cried to God to hear my pleas and heal me all again.

A few days ago I understood the meaning of true love,

A gaze past the eyes,

A firm affectionate hug,

It blew my soul away.

A love so strong like how it’s meant,

I felt it boil in me.

It was as though what I’ve always sought,

Was in those short moments with thee.

But when I heard that the love wasn’t mine alone,

I felt so torn apart.

It wasn’t right for me to covet,

But yet my heart denies.

I asked my Father as I twisted and turned,

Upon my cozy bed.

Oh Lord oh Lord please tell me why I feel the pain so great,

That the love which I thought was mine would hurt me till I break.

I waited and waited for an answer,

But nothing came from Him.

I woke up and went to my computer,

In the middle of the night.

My parents came out right after me,

And told me off for not being in bed.

I requested my mum nicely to leave me alone,

But she didn’t listen and she sat right there,

With a stern face at me,

She didn’t understand.

I wrote half a blog entry within an hour and half,

I just couldn’t go on because my heart was broken and my soul was far too tired.

I twisted and turned in bed until finally,

I passed out in fatigue.

Morning came and I could smell the tears that dried,

A fresh day was to come.

But alas it wasn’t that pleasant as I hoped,

Things never go my way.

I finished the rest of my blog entry,

And posted it up on the net.

To numb myself I went to play some computer games,

It didn’t seem to help.

Though I won at many games,

Nothing helped.

My heart was sore,

My soul was dry,

God didn’t seem to be there.

But yet I told myself again that my Lord is always with me.

So in a decision I decided to go to my room,

And do my quiet time.

I took all my notepads since the past,

Since the day that I knew God.

I sang some songs to welcome Him,

To pray that He would heal.

But when I heard the Savior King,

The song that borne this love.

I crumbled to the bed again.

And it was wet within seconds.

I told Abba Father that I needed Him,

In that which was my darkest hour.

He came silently,

So quietly that I didn’t hear.

While I gathered myself and read the things I wrote,

From all the words of God,

I found the strength that I needed,

For what He meant for me to accomplish.

So I stood up and wiped away my tears,

And gathered all my faith.

I confessed that one day they’ll know,

Why I reacted this way.

Night fell and I felt a little better,

But I was only doing fine.

Nothing great and nothing much,

That I could be happy about.

All of a sudden when I read a message,

It became all clear to me.

I am loved by someone and I love someone too,

So this is what I’ll do.

The Lord once said that if I want,

I’ve got to first give.

So rather than wanting to receive,

I should instead give.

This value I knew for a long long time,

But tonight I finally understand.

That if I want to be loved by someone,

I’ve got to love them first.

Tonight I stand a new man here,

Writing out this text,

I’m glad to say I finally can say that,

Now I understand the meaning of true love.

______________________________________________________________________

†Whiters™† signing off from this blog. Praying for joy and happiness to be restored to him once again.

Everyone was created by God in this world. Or should i say, everyone is. God planned for everyone to have his / her special someone in their lives. And in a certain stage of life, a person’s heart starts longing for that special person. No matter who it is. When they can’t find that person, they probably start to wonder to themselves - when will this person turn up?

Its nothing wrong to love someone you know. Even if the person is of the same gender. When I see girls huddling together, i used to think that they’re just so wrong. But thinking deeper, thats really their way of telling their friends," Hey, i love you ok? I’ll be there for you." What about guys? Guys seem really dead when it comes to expressing themselves. They don’t say things verbally, neither do they do anything much - no matter towards their girlfriends or their buddies. Perhaps because it is awkward? Maybe it has never been the culture for guys to express themselves. For girlfriends, a peck on her forehead says a lot. But for other guy friends, you can’t do much - cultural barriers forbid too many things. Hugs would be awkward publicly ain’t it?

When you find someone who really understands and whom you really feel for, guy or girl, don’t let them go. I said DON’T. Hang on tight and develop that friendship / relationship. Don’t let what others say break that relationship.

If it is a couple, learn to embrace all your differences and weaknesses. Don’t give up no matter what may happen on the way.

But the main point for me here is this - for 2 great girl friends, they always know what to do. Just don’t let gossip get the better of you. For 2 guys, just give your bro a big hug - probably he won’t expect it, but it is a great sign of love (brotherly love) that is far greater than many other things. Don’t be afraid to express yourselves, because loving someone of the same gender isn’t wrong. Immoral thoughts are what corrupt that relationship.

Like how Jonathan and David in the bible really loved one another so much that their souls were knitted together and how Jonathan sacrificed himself for David, do not be afraid to love someone in this manner.

[Romans 12:10] Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another

[Hebrews 13:1-3] Let brotherly love continue. 2 Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. 3 Remember the prisoners as if chained with them—those who are mistreated—since you yourselves are in the body also.

[2 Peter 1:5-8] But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Regarding Jonathan and David, 1 Samuel (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=9&chapter=18&version=31&context=chapter)

For now, i wait in patience for the one meant for me. But in the meantime, i will love my bros and sisters around me with all my heart.

†Whiters™† signing off from this bloggie happy and overjoyed always!

I’m finally back here. The place where i stop and reflect on myself, where i write what i truly feel. Perhaps what i’ve written here so far had just been more of poetry, but today i’m gonna so something different.

It isn’t everyday that someone’s life manages to shake my heart so strongly and make me feel so powerfully about it. A blog that was coloured black, music that resonates within my heart, words so painful that it makes me hurt, a direction of life so faded that it’s lost hope, someone who was seeking another who really cared and loved him; that was something that i encountered when i entered the world of this artist.

As i read through the entries, tears just flowed down my eyes. Somehow or another, i could feel the pain of this person, the disappointments, and the longing for love. Perhaps it was God who showed me how it was in his shoes.

It took time to talk to him, because he wasn’t interested to start off with. It was only when he finally agreed to meet up when things broke through.

Things progressed fast. A brotherhood was formed. Trust was forged. Love developed. Just in a short while. God was in between. Somehow i knew that God wanted it this way.

Deja Vus, a taste of true trust, and God. It is the way to go.

Now, time will change this person. For the better.

And it will change me, for good.

†Whiters™†

To my Kor, the artist of his life

I won’t be posting for a while till i clear my tests…

For now God bless all of you…

Another tinge of randomness

Enjoy

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day!

To all couples, have a great day tomorrow celebrating this romantic event.

To all who are unattached, work harder… But still, enjoy your day envying those lovey-dovey pairs.

To everyone, have a really blessed day tomorrow!

=( No date. Haha. Doesn’t matter. I asked someone but she had tuition. =P

School, gym, cell group tomorrow… Long LONG day…

Going back to studying…

- Appreciate everyone who is around you. You never know when they might go.

†Whiters™†